Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
