wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
