I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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