your parents love me but you hate me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
