I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
