is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
