yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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