First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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