this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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