u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
