she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
