When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
