Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
