You're my little dorito
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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