While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
