Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
