im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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