Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This baby is an asshole
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
