The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
