FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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