Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I love you. Go after that dick
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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