I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
