shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
