I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Randomize
