There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
