Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
