Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
