the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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