Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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