I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
