Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
