I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
