I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
