What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
