They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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