With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's just like the Real World with babies
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
