I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
3 2 1 whiskey
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
