Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
