To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
