Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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