Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Drunk is not a location!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
