Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
