Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
