he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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