So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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