Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
