The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
