your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
