I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
