hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
