After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
